Reflection

What is reflection? It's simply seeing yourself in a mirror. How often do we really look at ourselves in a mirror: Maybe to brush teeth or if we feel something on our face that shouldn't be there. Sometimes I look into a mirror and see a person who I don't know. Who am I? Where am I? Where have I been? Other times I'll look into a mirror and really recognize the face staring back.

But these are all just surface observations. Where is that person who weaves such intricate dreams that it takes a lifetime to figure them out? Where is that person whos waking moment is touched by fleating genius...."I'll have to remember to write that down later...."

I try and look in the mirror and figure out who that person is staring back at me. What have I changed into? What have I become? Sometimes I really don't know.

There is a scene from a Tom Hanks movie, "Joe verses the Volcano", where Tom Hanks has a free pass to buy whatever he wants for his trip. A limo is driving him on his spree around town. The limo driver is a very affable, wisened gentleman. At the beginning of the spending journey Joe asks the limo driver a series of questions about what he should buy, specifically, what style. The driver turns to him and says something to the effect of "Listen, its taken me my whole life to figure out who I am, and there are still some questions, so for me to tell you your style isn't going to happen."

I know its a very surface scene, but its always had a deeper meaning for me. What is real? The only thing I know that is real right now are the plastic letters that I press and the walls around me; that is my scene. I feel conflicted, satisfied, but wanting more. My family is my world, I know that, and without them I would spiral, crumble, and die. That is what I know at this moment. Will it change? It already has in that moment.

I hope the next time I really look in the mirror I see more that a stranger, more than a scruffy face, more that two wanting eyes staring back. I don't know what I want to see, but I know its more................

The Journey waits for no one.....

The Journey waits for no one.....

I've been thinking lately about how fast life goes, the components of life, what's really important and what's not. This blog is more like therapy than some artistic expression of my soul, although sometimes I hope that it comes across as that--it depends on the mood of the moment.

The Journey waits for no one.....

As often as we replay scenarios from our life in our heads and try to figure out what went wrong and what went right we begin to lose focus to what is right in front of us. I am by no means perfect, but I do like to think that I have perfect moments; when I make my wife laugh, when I know an answer no one else knows, when I save my son from the monster in his room, and when I rescue Pink-Puppy for my daughter. Hitting a home run, passing a test, having the girl say yes, achieving that goal, those are all part of perfect moments. I feel like I've lost most of mine.

The Journey waits for no one.....

I would run, ski, do a reverse lay-up, and have no fear being tackled in a football game. Now I am tender going down a six-inch step. The pain the accompanies my knees seems like it will be along for the rest of the journey. My son asks me to play leap frog, "Sorry buddy, Daddy has a boo-boo." Flash back to my Dad only playing catch with me for ten minutes before his elbow aches.

The Journey waits for no one.....

"You're brilliant" "You're special" "You have the whole world ahead of you!"........"You're average" "You failed" "You didn't get in!."

The Journey waits for no one.....

If there is a God, did the almighty do this on purpose, that is, show us what the good, perfect life is, dangle it like a golden ring, and then pull it away. Ouch, slapped in the face by the reality that is life; the hardship, the pain, the sadness, the loss of hope.

The Journey waits for no one.....

I watch my kids rejoice in bubbles. Bubbles. When did I lose my fascination with Bubbles? I wish I could still belly-laugh at Bubbles. I wish I could pretend to be a fireman, doctor, or repairman. My life is for my wife and children. I live vicariously through them; their pleasure, their pains.

The Journey waits for no one.....

I feel as though I am always waiting for the next....what? I want to enjoy the now, but sometimes I don't know how. I feel as though when I finally catch up to the next it will be too late, I'll be too old. I used to make fun of or complain about old people, but I realize that in a blink of an eye I will be there too.

The Journey waits for no one.....

I want to start living, really living; for my family and for myself. I want to make their journey worth it; worth being on this planet, worth living this life. How do I start? I start now........