Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Reflection

What is reflection? It's simply seeing yourself in a mirror. How often do we really look at ourselves in a mirror: Maybe to brush teeth or if we feel something on our face that shouldn't be there. Sometimes I look into a mirror and see a person who I don't know. Who am I? Where am I? Where have I been? Other times I'll look into a mirror and really recognize the face staring back.

But these are all just surface observations. Where is that person who weaves such intricate dreams that it takes a lifetime to figure them out? Where is that person whos waking moment is touched by fleating genius...."I'll have to remember to write that down later...."

I try and look in the mirror and figure out who that person is staring back at me. What have I changed into? What have I become? Sometimes I really don't know.

There is a scene from a Tom Hanks movie, "Joe verses the Volcano", where Tom Hanks has a free pass to buy whatever he wants for his trip. A limo is driving him on his spree around town. The limo driver is a very affable, wisened gentleman. At the beginning of the spending journey Joe asks the limo driver a series of questions about what he should buy, specifically, what style. The driver turns to him and says something to the effect of "Listen, its taken me my whole life to figure out who I am, and there are still some questions, so for me to tell you your style isn't going to happen."

I know its a very surface scene, but its always had a deeper meaning for me. What is real? The only thing I know that is real right now are the plastic letters that I press and the walls around me; that is my scene. I feel conflicted, satisfied, but wanting more. My family is my world, I know that, and without them I would spiral, crumble, and die. That is what I know at this moment. Will it change? It already has in that moment.

I hope the next time I really look in the mirror I see more that a stranger, more than a scruffy face, more that two wanting eyes staring back. I don't know what I want to see, but I know its more................

1 comment:

Kelly (conversemomma) said...

It can be so damn hard, sometimes. But, I feel lucky that you stick by me, that we are in this one together.