2 stories

The other day I decided to take a walk. I walked down Steinway Street in Astoria, Queens. The day was hot and humid and the street was crowded with shoppers. My plan was to go to the Vitamin store and do some casual walking. On my way to the vitamin store a tiny Asian novelty store caught my eye. I decided to go in.

A small woman sat in a lawn chair right in the middle of the store. The store contained beautiful jewelry, novelty items, souvenirs, and wisdom.

A necklace caught my eye and I asked the lady if I could see them. She pulled out the tray and would not hand me the necklace. She told me that only I could make that decision. It had to be something that was attracted to my heart. One stood out. As I picked it up I immediately felt its energy and my body was drawn to it. I asked the woman about the necklace and she went into great detail describing it spiritual significance.

She looked into my eyes and asked what year I was born. I told her. She said "Oh, you are a dragon, and a strong one!!" With that she grabbed my hands, flipped them over, and proceeded to tell me my destiny.

In the past, my life was so dark I refused to believe in destiny. I was afraid that the rest of my life would be held in misery and walking on egg shells; never walking down my true path in life.

The woman continued to tell me that every spirit, when it enters this world, chooses their destiny. She told me that I have two stories in life and one has just ended and the next one has begun. I know this to be truth, because my soul has felt this as well.

The first story, although my own, was narrated by some one else, maybe more than one other person. I do know, however, that neither person was me, and neither person ever really knew me.

This next story has started out with my own voice. At first I did not recognize it, because I had never heard it, or if I did it was a distant echo. It's sweet and peaceful.

In this new story I have discovered self; all sides of it. I've opened up my energy and my vibrations to the universe, which was kind enough to help me attract love, true love.

My first story was hard, and rigid, with few sweet spots. It was like driving down a road that has not been repaired in years, left to neglect. When you drive down that road you would fear the potholes and unexpected dangers might destroy your car. Would the car survive?

The new story makes me think of walking down a path in the woods. Each step mindful or the last. Each breath drinking in life and vitality. Clarity and stimulation around each bend in the trail. I now appreciate the stars and the salty ocean air. As my walls crumble down and my eys open up excitement and contentment fill my heart with joy.

I didn't need that women to tell me my destiny. I already know my destiny. I've known it all along. Namaste.

Suffering

When my walls came crashing down I started on a journey; one of spirituality and freedom. I experienced strength, wisdom, calmness, clarity, and happiness. Some were pure for the first time in my life. But there was something that I kept dancing around.

As I would walk through my shadows I would always pass by this unsightly plant. The plant did not seem to grow or wither, it just was. It was the size of a medium bush, with dark leaves and thorns. It was my suffering. I walked past it daily peering at it through my peripherals. I dared not look at it directly for fear.

Recently, on my walk through the shadows I bumped into this bush. I came face to face with this suffering, acknowledging it truly for the first time. A rush of fear, sadness, anger, depression and guilt stung my body, soul, and mind. What could I do? Run away and let my wounds heal? If I did that the bush would still remain; ready to harm me in the future.

I decided to sit in front of the bush in silent contemplation--Staring at it like it was a flickering light. Accepting it, listening to it, and absorbing every detail.

In life I am afraid of little. Death and pain do not scare me in the least. For a long time, however, I was afraid of what was inside. What was once a mountain of fear and suffering in my mind, is now simply a bush that I can talk to. It is a symbol that brings me closer to my own self-awareness. It is letting me break down those walls in my mind that have stood in the shadows of my suffering.

What I'm coming to realize is that it is ok to meditate and learn from the shadows as well. By confronting and acknowledging the suffering I can detach from it to become closer to it to better understand it to relieve the suffering.

Sometimes it just takes the simple flicker of a candle to enlighten a place that was dark. It is always interesting to find that sometimes what lies in the dark is only a figment of the mind that can be learned from and changed.