When my walls came crashing down I started on a journey; one of spirituality and freedom. I experienced strength, wisdom, calmness, clarity, and happiness. Some were pure for the first time in my life. But there was something that I kept dancing around.
As I would walk through my shadows I would always pass by this unsightly plant. The plant did not seem to grow or wither, it just was. It was the size of a medium bush, with dark leaves and thorns. It was my suffering. I walked past it daily peering at it through my peripherals. I dared not look at it directly for fear.
Recently, on my walk through the shadows I bumped into this bush. I came face to face with this suffering, acknowledging it truly for the first time. A rush of fear, sadness, anger, depression and guilt stung my body, soul, and mind. What could I do? Run away and let my wounds heal? If I did that the bush would still remain; ready to harm me in the future.
I decided to sit in front of the bush in silent contemplation--Staring at it like it was a flickering light. Accepting it, listening to it, and absorbing every detail.
In life I am afraid of little. Death and pain do not scare me in the least. For a long time, however, I was afraid of what was inside. What was once a mountain of fear and suffering in my mind, is now simply a bush that I can talk to. It is a symbol that brings me closer to my own self-awareness. It is letting me break down those walls in my mind that have stood in the shadows of my suffering.
What I'm coming to realize is that it is ok to meditate and learn from the shadows as well. By confronting and acknowledging the suffering I can detach from it to become closer to it to better understand it to relieve the suffering.
Sometimes it just takes the simple flicker of a candle to enlighten a place that was dark. It is always interesting to find that sometimes what lies in the dark is only a figment of the mind that can be learned from and changed.