Saturday, April 23, 2011


My whole life I have been burdened by the weight of other people. I've looked for approval in the eyes and hearts of other people. I don't know when it happened, but at some point in my life I blinded myself. I blinded myself to the reality of who I really am. I've allowed myself to be guided by other people's arrogance and emotion. My fault or others, it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is where I am right now in the present moment. I've found comfort in other people as a catharsis through this part of the journey. Not using them as a crutch, but just companions.

I rose out of the ashes only to have my wings melted and fall back to earth. My evolution is now ready to begin with my feet on the ground and with my ascent assured. I'm content to live in patience and inertia. I'm confident in the road forward and not backward into the chaos that is not knowing who one is.

There is fear in having to figure out who one is at this stage in life. There is also excitement in knowing that some people do not get a second chance and this is mine. I'm confident that this will be a satisfying process.

My sadness comes from the disappointment I have in other people. Also my fault for having overinflated expectations other people. I'm learning, however, to only have expectations of myself and those expectations can be as high as I want them to be.

Catharsis is a cleansing. A cleansing of the mind, soul, and heart. A necessary part of life that we take for granted. Not anymore.

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