Sunday, April 19, 2009

Pet Peeves

Well now that you all know that I'm so oil-of-olay sensitive to comments here is my shallow post. I have pet peeves as we all do and I'm going to share three of my favorite: the side stander, the non-acknowlegder, and the story-trapper--if I don't have a trademark on these terms I now claim them in the name of Madman. Just to give you a pre-text I will give you a general definition followed by an example, can't help it, it's the teacher in me.

First, the side-stander. definition: This is a person who, while you are in line, any line, comes up behind you and instead of remaining behind you snuggles up next to you. Forgive me but the purpose of a line is for one noun to be in front and the other to be in back. Now I like drawing outside the lines as much as the next person, but not in this situation. Know your place side-stander!!! Which is not next to me, diagonal to me, but purely and directly behind me. Don't talk to me, I'm just not that social. The other day I bought planting flowers at the store with my daughter and while in line a women comes up with her cart and stands next to me. "Get away!" mind of the madman e.s.p.'s to the side-stander. "How much did you pay for those flowers?" side-stander. "None of your god damn business and go check for your lazy self (mind of madman). "$12.95 for 32" Noraml me. "Wow that's robbery!!" side-stander. I nod, "Go scratch!" (mind of madman). I pay and quickly leave the side-stander in her proper place.

Next peeve, the non-acknowledger. Definition: Someone you know, are an acquaintance of, or have had at least a memorable conversation of; basically someone who you have a memory of and who, you know, has a memory of you. The situation is that you encounter this person, try to make eye-contact and even make an acknowledging gesture; the smiling-nod and the nervous wave to name a couple. Again I was shopping with my daughter, now in the supermarket, and I see someone I used to work with in the same isle pushing a cart. I see him and he makes brief eye-contact with me and I make the smiling nod. He turns away and starts whistling acknowledging the chicken stock instead. As I passed him I smiled to myself confounded as to why my attempt was thwarted, not disappointed, just confused. Maybe I smell, that's probably it. I asked my daughter if I smell, she just wanted bubbles. I saw this "ghost of the past" one more time in the store from a distance, him knowing I was there and choosing to ignore that fact, me crushed beyond all recognition (sarcasm of course).

Final peeve, the story-trapper, the one peeve I aspire not to be; I hope I'm not being oximoronish (is that even a word? If yes, I call dibs on the royalties). Definition: person who you meet at any social event that traps you in a pointless, uninteresting story, where you zone out and tell yourself that you must have done something horrible in a past life in order to deserve this torture. Unfortunately I don't have a recent example of this. Let your membranes reminisce.

So there you have it. Maybe these are flaws in me, in others, or just in the human condition, or a little of each, or not flaws at all. Pet peeves, we all have them, things that bother us for one reason of the other, things that in our own tiny paradigms just don't fit or don't seem right.

We are all trapped, happily or not, inside of ourselves, from birth to death, dealing with life's experiences and how it impacts us and the world around us. It can be confusing, exciting, depressing, and crystal-clear, all at once or not at all.....peace.


ConverseMomma said...

This is so you, and so why I married you. I laughed so hard while you were in the shower that I cried. Molls came over and asked what was wrong. All I could do was choke out the words, Daddy is one sexy beast.

Woman in a Window said...

Non-acknowledger, um, given myself permission to be one. You know, I'll nod if we make eye contact but if you see a plant floating through the air, I'm probably behind it...hiding...

The side-standers, or anglers (just yesterday) only bug me 'cause they're trying to steal my much paid for space in line. Put in your own time lazy foo'!

Kathi D said...

Story-trapper no longer a problem since I trained myself in flatulence on demand. Also helps with the side-stander, and all behind-standers.

Warning: Increases frequency of non-acknowledgers, but I can live with that.

flutter said...

I have a problem with the great and bountiful "cartus up assus". those people who scooch so close to you in the store with their carts that you get a cart enema.

Jaina said...

Haha, I've had experience with all of those kinds of people. Not so much fun. Know what one of my pet peeves is? Guys who can't ever admit that they're wrong. Why do guys do that? If they don't remember a conversation or something, they insist that it never happened and that they're always wrong, when really all they have to do is say, hey I don't remember that. Why? WHY? (been a bit of a frustrating morning thus far) Instead of just saying oh hey, I don't remember that, it becomes "I'm always wrong" and all the hemming and hawing that goes along with it. Is there a reason for that? Is it the male ego thing?

Louise said...

Pet peeves of mine, too. Except maybe the non-acknowledger unless I can tell they are intentionally doing it. I cut that one a little slack because people have told me they've seen me places, waved, etc., and I had NO idea. Sometimes maybe they really don't see.

As for the first one... I love every word of that narrative!

Anonymous said...

Laughing, laughing... I hate salespeople in stores that ask, "Can I help you?", I am really a very nice person but it makes me want to slap them! I know it is utterly unreasonable though. also, when they ask me for my phone number at the cash register, I truly snarl at them!! Thanks for reminding me of my "quirks".
Oh and Jaina- I totally know what you mean!!!

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