I grew up in a bubble. I didn't want for much, no abuse (that I was aware of), no severely traumatic moments (except the usual), all the trappings of a comfortable suburban childhood. So when did the bubble burst?
I remember waking up in the middle of the night sweating, not knowing where I was......Then I remembered I was working three pathetic jobs having just failed the Bar exam for the fourth time. This wasn't how life was supposed to turn out, things were supposed to be easy, weren't they?
I tried to go back to sleep, peeking at my lovely wife who had all the faith and confidence in me that I didn't have. She would be dreaming of family and love and future, where I was traumatized trying to figure out how to make her dreams come true.
"Where is life going to take me?" I asked my cat, who was the only one awake, and supposedly hanging on my every word. Maybe I was dreaming and I'll really be living the life I'm supposed to be living when I wake up, probably not.
I wipe the sweat off my forehead, the cool breeze hits it and reminds me what reality really is.
Instead of letting the anxiety bind me in the straight jacket, I repeat my mantra "You're a good person, keep working hard and be honest and things will work out." I have repeated this mantra hundreds of time, not letting it slip past the frontal lobe.
I'm slowly drifting back to sleep and as I'm gripped by its paralyzing sweetness I feel a little dampness begin to form against my temple and realize that the bubble no longer exists, it has burst all over me; and this is me weeping for the loss of it.
It's now five or so years later, I have a beautiful family, a secure job, and am truly happy. But I sometimes ask myself would I be where I am today if I didn't have those night terrors? I don't know. I know the bubble needed to break. I know that life is cyclic. And I know not to mess with Karma. That is life.