Friday, March 26, 2010

Catering to my fans

I've blogged about deep philosophocal issues, sadness and depression, inner turmoil and other various heart-string pulling topics. However, I've only received comments from Viagra, an investment banker who wants me to buy his product, and some Korean chap who I, unfortunately, cannot understand.

So what to say to my frequent flyers, hmmmm.

First to my Viagra friend. You are so consistent with your once a day comments I'm so hard up to view your daily quips. Sometimes your comments leave me in a state of excitement that lasts for more than four hours and I have to call my Doctor to get advice on how to calm down. I have to be careful though, every once in a while I get nauseous, blurred vision, and have fear of getting a stroke when I view your bits of wisdom. Anyways my dear friend, keep it cuming.

Next to my investment banker friend. I'm a teacher who just bought a house and have two little kids. If you're willing to take 2 pennies and a stick of gum as a down payment for an investment in your junk bonds, I'm in. I'm sure you're a brilliant money man, why would anyone think not when you're advertising on my most famous literary site. I'm sorry I haven't visited your url yet. I've come close so many times, but my lack of confidence prevents me from being in your cyber presence, please forgive my meakness.

Lastly, I'll miss you most of all Scarecrow, I mean my Korean chum. You are such a fucking mystery my life is sent into a tailspin when I try to understand your supposed brilliance comments. I just don't know where to start. Are you South Korean or North Korean? If you are North Korean, are you a hardliner inviting me to be a comrade in the Korean Workers Party? Or are you a political refugee requesting my covert assistance? So many questions, and no answers. Perhaps you're just trying to sell me some high end ginseng to go along with my Viagra and new high society investment banking persona.

The outpouring of love is just too overwhelming I think I might cry. I'm done, the computer is now sizzling and the buttons are now slippery, but I don't want to hide my true emotions anymore. This is a new me, a better me. I now lead a richer, fuller life, a life of purpose, now that I have you three in my life. Pleace keep it coming and don't be frightened of my new found love for you all. Have a wonderful evening. Peace.

1 comment:

Bri said...

hilarious. genius! full of awesome.